Disappointed and Frustrated

I just saw my grades on the schoolbliz and I got shocked by World Literature. Eighty-seven (87) is what was indicated in the system. I was expecting something a lot higher. Perhaps I bombed the finals exam. I'm really frustrated now. Have you had the feeling that you're trying too hard to gain something you haven't gained in the past but seems nothing still is working out? I am really disappointed with myself. One of my goals, and also my goal for my aunt who works in Dubai, which is also her dream for me, and both our dreams, is for me to graduate with a Latin recognition. Personally, I'm aiming for Magna Cum Laude but with what I'm seeing now, well, I don't see anything at all. The path towards there is blurry and a pain in my eyes. I wrote on FB, "world lit, mangapangayna ka.." And sure it was. The hopes of getting an average of 93 and above starting this semester has faded like how a rude, punk kid bursts a bubble in a smash.

Alright, it was a smash in the face. I was left immobile. Hindi ko talaga alam ang gagawin ko. Basta initial reaction was to blog. I need to open up. Someone has to hear my sentiments or at least something has to absorb my pain.. :((

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I'm actually listening to Taylor Swift's "Mine." I'm losing the best thing that has ever been mine. I knew had it in the bag but times are often unpredictable and selfish. Well, maybe, since I wasn't able to have it, it wasn't for me at all to begin with. It's too early to say but I'm starting to get tired of expecting and hoping. Or maybe I'm just over-thinking and just very impulsive of taking in this negative feeling. I've watched "The Secret' the other day and found it interesting. I want to be that positive but sometimes, when it's the last thing you resort to in times of trouble, I get more restless and troubled. I'm the kind of person who usually acts until the pain goes away. Also, the type when there is pain, just accepts until it fades. But it takes me a while before I get back to normal. My classmates see me "stoic" and a person without emotions. Everything is okay. Nothing to worry about. But deep inside, I really get depressed easily. Siguro ganun talaga kapag mababaw ang kaligayan mo, mababaw din ang luha mo. Extremes, ika nga nila..

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Shattered Dreams. So many of them. I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted. I'm not suicidal but IDK. I am hurt.