Inexplicably Burnt Out

Woke up just fine until now. T.T

I had sisig and garlicky sinangag for brunch while watching the replay of American Idol Top 9 Performance on Star Movies. Drank a sweet soda to remove the sting of onions in my mouth. All of a sudden, I felt stress build up. I know it's not from the food I ate. Of course, it wasn't. It's weird because this exhausting semester just ended. Technically, I have no more classes to attend to. Meaning, nothing more stressful to my system. However, I realized that school has lead me to somewhere I never thought I could even trespass. The moment I reached these places, I never left, psychologically. God knows how burdened I am by the things I'm not quite sure will happen in the near future. I am only small. Clearly, I can feel the remnants of stress.

"Walang maliit na bagay na di nakakapuwing."

Did I spoil myself with big opportunities? Who can blame me, though? Can you? Breaks come very seldom, so seldom that all of us can hardly notice them. But these, they met me into my face. Will I go blind and slowly stray away? Was I pressured? Is it my self-confidence? Is it their trust? Is it God's time? OR... ..Am I just destined for things like these like how others are destined with other stuff?

I came to a thinking that I was overexposed. I did not allow myself say "NO" to things I should have. Perhaps I had so much confidence in me and my abilities during those times, thinking I can catch whatever hurled into my face, big or small-sized. But now, I can feel the pressure, the tension--BIG TIME.

I always had this belief that ang mas nahihirapan, siya ang mas natututo. Still, I just thought now, maybe I had too much of it. Have I grown tired? I guess not. Am I just over-thinking things? Possible. Maybe I loved myself less today than yesteryears... T.T I don't want to think anymore. I'll leave this post this way. The rest is up to me and you.

Detached

Here I am working on another post. I missed this. BLURT OUT.

I was in Manila yesterday. I submitted my RPN waiver and school recommendation so I can start my OJT on Monday next week. Thank God it was granted. We had lunch way past 1:00p.m. at KFC since it's the nearest chain, though it's still a ride from the station. Transportation fee is a sucker, a leech for that matter. Though we had so little money left in our pockets, we still chose to had the bumpy trike ride because each step we make is a sore to our very soles. T.T We were extremely tired. Perhaps in a day when we had nothing more to do but the internship, we'd walk at every alley or avenue there.

Then there was the apartment.

Her old beauty and charm won us over. Our rent fee is P8, 000.00 including electricity and water. No more, no less. We cleared this to our landlady before "Tintina" paid the down payment. The room is very spacious and has its own restroom. It can accommodate 10 spacers. We're only three occupants as of now. Honestly, I thought it was too much for me and we better look for 1 more to help us out. However, thinking of the convenience I'll get in return, I supposed it's worth the pay. I'm sure, too, my family wouldn't want to see me living looking deprived. Besides, it's just for a month. The last line of this paragraph blew all my arguments! It doesn't matter, anyway. It is still a fact.

Another FACT:

I kept the TV OJT-in-Manila dream breathing because of my friends, besides the exposure I'll be given, of course. I want to experience every aspect of Manila with them. Yeah, even the unpleasant ones, which I hope not, though it's not impossible, you see. But I am confident that my friends and I will just laugh them off while grabbing tipid-dinners, while walking home, before we go to sleep, at least every time we can ease each other from the pain of Manila and random homesickness. Friends, our laughter keeps me sane. But I don't want to be attached.

Genuinely, the THREE of us would love to have you. However, the more painful part of you not joining us in this adventure is, the blunt of me, the tweets. Remember, I told you to reconsider things. I can't see anything from you. Absolutely nothing but words, no action. I pray you're just waiting. Please, say YOU ARE. This is your only defense to me. Other than this, I'd be hurt. T.T

We've also extended so much help already to make things easier for you. No one heed our call. But anyway, it's your call too--either to answer or not, or but more painfully, just keep it ringing until our connection breaks. It's true that we cannot blame you. A dream is a dream, just following what your hearts are saying. I respect every decision made by everyone. From this respect enters truth and appreciation, thus I shall move on. WE shall move on... ...without you.

Well good friends of mine, our journey isn't over yet. I'm hoping, though, we find each other at the end--at the winning end, preferably.

We just took our detour and you just took yours--or did you? Maybe soon.

But anyway, internship starts on April 11. I am already excited and empowered. After all the money-spending and long travels, here we are in a destination where others haven't been yet or will ever be in their entire lifetime. Very proud of what we have gotten so far. Meanwhile, I just thought now, Makati is sweet and grand. I am the very first student from my batch to enter KBP. It means a lot to me and speaks a lot of me as a comm. student. First comm. student from your class at the Kapisanan ng mga Brodkaster ng Pilipinas, eh? How cooler can this become? :))

Well, we're three when we went to KBP. However, only one person, who happened to be me, is allowed to go to the 6th floor and talk to the KPB personnel. So technically, I am the first one. Haha But I wouldn't be where I was that time without the help of Mang Inasal, taxi drivers, and most importantly, Google. We didn't know the address of KBP, but with my friend's fast-thinking abilities and actions, we got it. In Makati, just a piece of advice, it's better to have the address than to know the name of the institution. Tried and Tested.

Prepare a lot of money, too. Always ask. Don't settle for what you know and feel, is. It wouldn't hurt so much to ask. If it were, bugbug-sarado na kami ngayon! :))

Photos: Chan's Graduation