People could be so, so bad sometimes

It's true that people will never run out of mean words to say. But what makes it worse is that they base the bad things they say from mere observations, hearsays and gut feelings. I am really sad for these people. I thought they were better than this. They just dug their own pitfalls. Too bad.. Well, people could be so, so bad sometimes. I don't know what hit them! Perhaps a ball of too much self-esteem, or maybe a rock of immaturity! OR, they just had a rough week in their classes. Haha! Anyway, God, please help them. Have mercy on them. Guide them to the truth.. ..that they are not telling the truth because they haven't exerted any effort to find such truth. Please make them realize this. Amen.

Meet the Natives

I have never been so stressed so far in my life like today. When I say "so stressed," I mean the worst possible kind of feeling of stress, plus the imminent psychological and physiological disturbances that you don't want to experience. And had the awarding ceremony extended even just for a single minute or two, I will pass out. Good thing I had my stress ball with me which quite helped, but only to a very minimal extent: which only means that my stress hormones earlier were on their highest levels that I barely wasn't able to contain.

To calm the nerves, I went out, at least five times, from that pathetic venue to grab some decent drink. Besides, I already looked really pale, and I felt the paleness. I didn't know what to do. What I did was I just walked in and out the place to normalize my senses, but it didn't work either. SHAME. The agony of waiting for things you expected to come but did not, even just for a peek, really got the best of me.

Anyway, I felt more disappointment than joy over the results. Though I was able to get a silver medal in Sports Writing English, which isn't my forte to begin with, it must be beginner's luck, I felt that my entries in News Writing and, Copyreading and Headline Writing, both in the English division, were very competent. One of the two speakers in News Writing, who's from ABS-CBN, even gave me his calling card. I thought I impressed  him with what I shared during our lecture. Still, I was destroyed at the end. Perhaps it's my fault too of reassuring a win only because he gave me his contact number. How assuming of me.. :((

Meanwhile, in my Copyreading and Headline Writing Category, when the speaker gave the common copy to be edited, I have read some places in Bataan that were unfamiliar to me. If ever they were deliberately presented as wrong or inaccurate information, I never would have known or either guessed, right? And Mariveles "town"? I also didn't know which are the "towns" and which are the "cities" in Bataan. I am not from Bataan, please.. I found this very unfair.

But all is well.. Who am I to question? For now, I am not somebody.

I suggest that the judges per event announce the winners during the awarding next time. I have a gut feeling that the real winners are being replaced. IDK. It just popped out from my mind.. I may be wrong in saying this. But the other half of "the unverified" says, I may be right..

And, I also suggest that the organizers publish the winning pieces so we can actually see proofs of "their" right to win, especially for categories like mine. They are written and only the judges, if it's real that they're exclusive to them, can read, score and "declare" them as winning pieces. By publishing these, we can actually see if the winning articles are deserving than ours. Not like in photojournalism and editorial cartoon, and other events involving visuals, participants of these can see how they place in the competition just by looking the work of their contenders, since artworks are done in illustration boards which everyone can see and judge as well.

As far as I can remember, we went to this regional congress to learn. But if we cannot get feedbacks from our speaker-judges, what is there to look forward to? Manipulated results? WTF. Anu pu ba talaga ang tama? Pano ako matututo, hindi mo naman sinabi. Hindi pu tayo guessing game dito. Every time I think of us, I mean most of the participants, being cheated, though I may be wrong as I've said earlier, I feel disgusted and nauseated. These people are such hypocrites if that's the case.. from the academe pamo. But I'm not saying that all the ten years of this particular organization were schemes: nothing but pure lies and deceptions. I'm talking about my first year as a participant. Because I heard from an adviser, during our free time, that this year's brand of leadership wasn't any better compared with the previous years.

One more, I was happy that we were able to get the 3rd Best News Page. But what made me lose my temper yet again, because I saw the broadsheet issue of the first placer before the awarding, is the thought that they are the first placer. Because in my brutal opinion, "parang hindi naman tama na sila ang first-placer." It's a "PR paper," actually. Hainaku.. I feel very sad. If journalists' first obligation is to tell the truth, why is it being suppressed? I am speechless. Bahala kayo sa buhay nio. Grabiiii kayo. Haha

You know what, I actually waited for this press conference. But with what I experienced, I don't want to attend anymore. T.T Some delegates also tell me so.. I am not alone.

Long Distance

"This long distance is killing me.."

So many loved ones have been away from me for quite a long time now. In times when I see their faces, but only in my mind, and sometimes on FB, I miss them more each time, especially when I am left alone at home, hopelessly waiting for my sleep, at one night, never came at all, not even a glance. :((

Hindi lang buwan, kungdi taon na ang nakalipas at halos lahat silang mahal ko sa buhay, ni hindi ku man nasilayan.. The feeling is very different once you finally see them, compared to the one you feel when you just finished your random phone conversations.

These past few weeks, I've experienced the feeling that I needed to wait for my body to get exhausted first to get its sleep: likened myself to an ordinary vehicle, I needed to lose all my fuel before I can go to sleep. This kind of feeling pisses me off, that it pisses me too much, I can break down into tears at that very moment of mixed helplessness, hopelessness, desperation, frustration, some guilt and misfortune. Feeling ko talaga, "Why on earth?!" Tipong naiiyak nako na walang magawa but to say, "please, go to sleep. T.T" Magbuwisit naku talaga kanita.. :)) ..at lalu ku lapang amis ri mama ku, e lola Paz ku, reng anti ku, basta ing pamilya ku. Ngeni kasi meju rough ing family life ku kaya aside from God, my only solid source of strength is myself.

But my life has to go on however shaky it may be.. I'm sure it leads somewhere far better than where I am now. Bahala na.. But I hope my personal life and family life get better as each days passes by, with the love and guidance of the Lord and my friends. Anyway, I still have my Public Relations class tomorrow so I better start waiting for my sleep now. T.T

Thank you for reading.

PS: You might want to hear and see the actual music video, just click the link below.

"..Can you hear me crying? It's so hard.. ..I wish you were here with me."

                                      -- Long Distance, Brandy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDp1dpuwCkY)

Politics of Family

I really can't imagine myself famous someday talking about the real deal of politics, except for random conversation, of course, if they asked my opinion regarding anything close to it. But if that topic simply pops into a discussion, I shall shift gears and shall take some other turns away from it, in a polite manner, another of course. I am sure ever since that I have less interest on the rather dirty and squeamish world of politics. I am afraid to dwell on it though I think it's a good avenue to reach out to many people. Then again, on the back of my head, I can't see myself as a mayor, not even an SK chairman. Besides, there are other avenues such as charity works and community development services where I can help others, and often times, I don't need to invest too much here except for my time and effort.

I know one student in school who dreams to be on the presidential seat. I have nothing against him, in fact, I wish him luck and I hope he does not lose his mind trying to rebuild our poor dilapidated country. But what I was wondering, what is it in politics that pulled his brilliant and deep mind into it. At this point he could have guessed that he's the one I'm talking about but as I've said I don't want to deal with, though sometimes, I question, not this particular student, but those who make politics a lifestyle and a business. So instead, I'd talk about another one, still connected to the term politics on its literal sense, but this time, the politics of family.

I suppose like in our country or any other smaller units or organizations under its canopy, there is a system on-going inside our homes. Children follow their parents and the rules set by parents. Younger siblings, I'm talking about the good ones, follow their older siblings because the latter's older age gives them that privilege. And a nanny, if there's one at home and members of the family treat her as someone already indifferent to them, follows everyone and everything set by all.

I thought all along that smaller units are easier to handle since you deal with fewer people, and to mention that you are family: everyone has to love each other no matter what. I know problems exist because they're part of the deal, the risk when we, or our parents, decided to gamble for our lives. I thought we knew how to self-heal when our family gets wounded, that time is all we ever needed. But with what I'm seeing now, it's quite different from what I imagined. Likened to the real world of politics, our minds our corrupted by viruses that only those infected by them can destroy them.

This column means so much to me now because it's tone is becoming more personal.. But anyway, no medicine can cure something especially if the only solution to the problem is the problem itself. Besides, unlike in real politics where members of the house can sue someone anytime they want, sometimes even try to murder that particular person in secret when something they don't feel was directed against them, as much as possible, we don't want to see someone in our clan rotting in jail, and especially, the system inside our houses is rather lenient. Seldom do we not let something really illegal committed by our parents or siblings pass us, very seldom, in fact. Take for instance those cases of assaulted minors and battered women. When authorities interview them for archival-use, they usually report that these physical and sexual harms have been done repeatedly or in series, more often than not. Only this time they confess such abuses because all along, they have been bearing the pain brought by the family that they don't want to, and must not, leave, or eventually hurt in the future. But I'd be a hypocrite if I'd stick up for the idea that only because they're family, you won't teach them a lesson. That would be sheer selfishness to myself.

Nevertheless, I don't want to brand a family, especially my own family, dirty, because no family is and would be such. Dysfunctionality, disorganization and usual misunderstandings never make one dirty. Family is love. And love mean trust and enduring pain, in certain extents, of course. The politics of family includes the use of the heart compared to the politics of the world that uses more of the mind.

My family has its own problems, and, truth absolutely hurts, so do yours. But whether how minor or major these problems can be, whether fixing your parents' rather rough marriage, having or actually being a black sheep in your family, or as simple as questioning the differences of allowance among siblings, I am sure that if you're as one, and you're willing to change something that is wrong with you, nothing can break your bond, even the most difficult one.

If in any case I wasn't able to keep up with your understanding of what I suggested to be politics of the family in this column, I sincerely apologize. Perhaps the lack of some ideologies and exposure, and personal interest that is a high possibility, to the vast arena of this particular field in social sciences, contributed largely to the failure of my intent to explain the topic further and more vividly. Also, probably, only I know, the topic might have been just plainly given and spoken in a general sense as "politics of family" to hide a "possible" agenda that I only wanted to make an avenue where my personal sentiments regarding my kin can park for a while or so. IDK. Thanks for reading anyway. :))

-- to my readers, this blog post might be my column in the broadsheet issue of The Angelenean Pioneer. Thank you again for reading..

Kids VS. Adults: Imagination-wise

Sometimes, you weigh things, but in the long run,
it doesn't actually count..

I don't agree with the answer my classmate in my creative writing class gave earlier to the question raised by my, yet again, very composed and quite sarcastic professor, why are the youth more imaginative than adults. He said that young people tend to become more playful with their minds because they have more time. Hmmm! My great professor then immediately agreed after that student rested on his seat. Well, okay, I agree, but not completely because..

(DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against my classmate and/or my professor.)

..my classmate's answer only suggested that adults are too busy to imagine stuff. Yeah right.. If I know, they can imagine more with less time. I primarily do not mean to put adults in good light here but what I'm trying to say is that, been wanting to say this even earlier in our not-so-lively discussion but my teacher continued to her speech after just one response from this particular classmate, how more accommodating can that be (Guess I'm equally sarcastic. Haha), majority of the young generation know less; hence, their extent for possibilities in different aspects of life is relatively higher or wider than adults who, in the longer course of their lives, have actually affirmed or nullified the ideas which they have imagined before or, they have learned something else which might not have entered their minds before, consequently, making their "areas to imagine of" smaller. Gosh, I hope I had this theory of mine clearly received by your understanding.

Anyway, I suppose, regardless of era a certain person lives in or cares to adhere by, may it be prehistoric, laid-back, modern or still yet to come, one can imagine freely any time he wants to and how frequent he wants it to happen. I would not mind if he does it on a daily basis or while he's at work. What I'm interested about is how these imaginings can contribute, when turned into reality or made into a concrete manifestation just to look real, to the development and well-being of not only that person, but also the community where he lives and where the imaginings mostly took place, and eventually, the world.

Then again, I may not be absolutely right, but one can only imagine..

10.6.09: Kwentong Bard-ero

BLOG 100.GOODpm dudes!

You might be wondering why i started blogging. Well, aside from the fact that we're required to post articles for our Communication Theory class, dati pa'y pangarap ku na magkaroon ng sariling blog na aking maipagmamalaki kaninu man. Even before, i really planned of having my own blog and be able to maintain it with the freshest ideas every molecule in me could share to anyone.
Tila ba blog ang aking shock-absorber sa kahit anu pang uri ng panahon ako naroroon o anumang uri ng kasiyahan o kalungkutan ang aking nararanasan. Diba kasi masarap ang may nakikinig sau? lalu na pag depressed.

Tanging dasal ku lang na wag lang sana tumaas ang aming electric bill dahil sa aking matagal na pagbabad sa computer. Naku, kung hindi ay patay ako sa mga tao dito! c:

At isa pa, sana wag na dumagdag ang aking long exposure sa computer sa pagkalabo ng aking paningin. Ayokong dumating sa puntong hindi lang aapat ang aking mata. I don't wanna be blind especially 4 love. haha! ang CHEEZYYYYYYYYYYY!

Yup, cheezy as it may seem. many people are blind when it comes to love. minsan nasa tabi mo na, hindi mu pa mafeel. minsan kaharap mu na, my hinahanap ka pang iba. minsan hawak mu na ang kamay nia, naku, team building pala -- ur just following rules! c:

BUT WHO's TO BLAME??

Nasa tabi mu nga, hindi naman ikaw ang tinitignan. minsan kaharap mu na, hindi ka niya nakikita, preoccupied pa. Minsan hawak mu na, ang alin? kamay lang niya un. its not one's heart you're dealing with. yan ang mahirap sa buhay. andaming kailangang cues na intindihin. minsan hindi mo gets. madalas naman nagoover-analyze ka. kaya nga lalung nagiging kumplikado and buhay dito sa mundo. hndi malaman halos ng lahat kung saan step na sila. ang iba nasa step2 gustong magstep10 kagad. ang iba step12 na nga, babalik pa sa step1. ang iba samal, ang iba, ang bugal. pero masisisi mu ba sila?

Yan din ang problemo sa mundo. hindi mo alam kung kaninu icoconfront ang problema because all of us is a victim. victim na nga, isusupress mu pa ba? wag ganun. sa tingin ko, when sum1 is down, uplift him or her. sinu pa bang tutulong sa iba kung hindi tayo. kung may nagawa man silang hindi maganda sa kapwa nila, maybe they have reasons for it. and besides, they still have a big big amount to pay.

O, BALIK TAU SA LOVE.

Panu kung duling siya? Aus lamang. at least dalawa ka sa paningin niya. diba nga, blessed are the crosse-eyed for they will see God twice. hehe! ikaw na bahalang humanap ng koneksyon. basta ang alam ko, in one way or another, may maituturo sayo ang kalokohan ng ibang tao na hindi mo namamalayang nakatulong na pala sau. c: panu kung wala nang nakikita kungdi ikaw? i remember one friend telling me about her suitor that whenever this guy sees her, he says he's almost like in paradise . And he tells this to my friend while singing the song from the famous korean hit BOF. and what did i tell my friend? sabi ko, "anak, pagupit ka na kasi. ang haba na ng buhok mo." and we all went laughing as we await tor that ordinary school day to darken.

Parang mahaba na ata ang aking unang blog. Siguro na enganyo lang talaga akong magsulat ngayon. Sana hindi ako maningas-kugon, siguro naman, kung mahal mo ang ginagawa mo, hindi mo hahayaang pagsawaan mo ito at eventually leave it hanging anywhere db? siguro, mahal at tiyaga lang to anything we're passionate about. keep that passion burning. who would know, it might bring you to places you in your wildest dreams have never thought of going.

GTG. c:

MY FINAL EXAMS TOMORROW. wish me luck! GOD BLESS US ALL.

posted by ryan marimla at 11:15 pm 0 comments 

-- i also found out that I've been a member of blogspot since November 2008. i just realized that i was really a procrastinator. haha Anyway, while i was reading my first-ever post, i was smiling because i thought that i was really funny and cheezy. back then i was a sophomore and "bakit ganyan mga naiisip ko?" haha this blog is a re-post and i'd want to share with you how much of my innocence have changed after just a year or so. be the judge. well, i'm still innocent. :)) but not as like as before. feeling ko freer na ako and stronger today. I am more open and exposed at the same time to many things.. And another thing, i was surprised that i did not see any typographical error. oc na talaga ako noon pa man. hehe sana makatulong pagka-oc ku sa darating na atspar in my copyreading and headline writing event. i don't want to end this blog with what i've noticed to be a cliche, "parang napahaba na ata ang blog na ito. sige eto na muna for now." wala lang, napansin ku lang sa mga nabasa kong mga blogs. heto, para astig, bigla nalang magtatapos ang blog. parang ganito.. ..END.

I am not ambitious. But I just bought my own SB

Have you ever wondered how much will it cost you to have a franchise of SB? Especially if you're an SB afficionado, or just a die-hard fan probably, I am  quite sure that you must have thought of this great and rather ambitious dream at least once during your many stays at the coffee store.


Well, as for me, since I was that rich enough, I bought SB this afternoon for only P20.00. I am this rich or a little richer perhaps. Haha You might think that I've gone mad already, but seriously, I just did. You can ask my friends. Oh, they were all glad to see me buy SB. Except that SB actually meant "Stress Ball" instead of your "usual endearment" for Starbucks. :)) I know it's quite misleading but today, at least for this one post, SB means, stress ball.

Say with SB.

This morning was rather shivering. Not because of early mists and dewdrops while I was smoothly coasting to school, did not catch colds either along the rocky road, but of something else, a more eerie one I suppose. So I took some hundreds of steps to shake the nasty feeling off so I can return to the room calm and civil--and I was successful.


To make the long story short, I needed to relieve myself from this distress. I could have suffered heart attack any moment during that time. Exaggeration yet possible! But life must go on.. I cannot annihilate myself through intense self-explosion. And I shall spare that human's or humans' life/lives since I have not verified anything. My biases might seem true but they are not unless others confirm them to be so. I must be fair. I must. I am good; that, I would like to believe. So I just prayed for everything at Carmelite. Simply EVERYTHING. My studies, friends and family.. After church, that was when I bought my own SB. It was accident, really. I was looking for a health-related magazine which I never found on any of their mags shelves. Guess copies were sold out. The next thing I saw was the SB. I felt it on my hands first then things went rushing. Right then and there, I just looked the other side, since the cashier was so close to me that I did not have to make a move, got my thin black wallet out, plucked that folded P20-bill from the array of papers, and bought SB. That was the story. See, I am not ambitious.. Then I went to a pizzeria at Balibago and grabbed two of their other full meals. I became so happy after my feast.

Hungry??!! :))

Say and Chan look good together. :))

The photoshoot. Thanks to me. :))

Reng tigidig.. :))

Say enjoying her pastry. OBVIOUSLY. :))

Anyway, I just got home from SB yet again. The endearment now, okay? I was with my cousin Say, she has never missed any of our SB-dates, and, drum roll please, my other cousin, Chan, the one I spilled in my previous post to be the most fox-like, elusive one of all my visitors. She rarely, RARELY, goes home for the weekends. I sometimes think that she's actually locked inside a dungeon far, far away. And whenever she stays here at our house in Salapungan, her time even is very limited. The sorceress is so powerful.. Haha Nevertheless, I enjoyed her company, though she threw my SB (The ball now. Don't get confused.) straight to my face earlier, which quite hurt a bit. But all is well now. I even treated her quail eggs, eight pieces of them worth P20.00, before we went home. Well, you see, I realized that I just have started a P20-bill-out trend. Haha Perhaps that is the highest amount I can afford to give away. Huhu I hope to be super wealthy in the future. So I can buy them many quail eggs, maybe hundreds of them, oops, what is that foul smell? Haha Or I'd treat them many SBs. Tignan ku lang kung hindi sila magmukhang zombies. Haha Meanwhile, I was thankful that I bought a stress ball. With so much attachment to it, I even brought it with me in our date at Starbucks. :))